玛莎·鲁塞尔·徐/Martha Russell Hsu

“I keep worrying about Martha,”my mother said as we sat in the hospital corridor, waiting for my father to be examined by the doctor.“We left her playing in the yard and didn’t tell her where we were going. I hope she’s not sitting somewhere crying.”

I wiped away tears that were streaming down my cheeks.“But I’m Martha. I’m right here with you.”I tried to reassure her.

“No, not you.”my mother answered,“My little Martha.”

Fears of abandonment, past and present, enveloped us as we tried to adjust to my father’s sudden incapacity.

The call had come the night before. My father had fallen and broken his hip;an operation to replace the hip joint was scheduled for the next morning. A friend was staying with my mother for the night.“I’ll come as soon as I can-on the early morning plane.”I promised.

My mother and father, married for fifty-eight years, had never had a serious emergency before, although my mother had become increasingly confused in the last several months.“And is your mother still alive?”she had asked me on my last visit, with a sociable interest in the young woman she had never seen before. Now, with the daily routine disrupted and the nearly constant companionship of my father removed, her disorientation was more severe.

“But I’m worried about Martha.”my mother said again when we had returned home and sat down for lunch.“I m going out to look for her.”

“But I’m Martha.”I tried again.“Little Martha grew up and turned into me.”

“That’s ridiculous.”my mother said. She tugged open the front door, went out to the street, and stood tensely. Looking up and down for the little girl she was sure she had seen just that morning. No one in sight. Then to the back of the house and through the back lot to the other street.“I’m going to ask those people over there if they’ve seen her.”My mother, becoming increasingly frantic, was ready to plunge into traffic and cross the busy street.

“Let’s go home and call the church office.”I pleaded.“Maybe someone there can help.”

On the way back to the house, my mother said,“It’s not like Martha to go away like that without telling me. If only she had left a note.”

A note!Seeing a way to relieve my mother’s agitation, I scribbled a note as soon as we were in the house, and left it where it could be discovered a minute later.“Mama,”it said,“I have gone to stay with Mary Ann for a few days. Please don’t worry. I’m okay. Martha.”

“Look,”I said,“here’s a note. What does it say?”My mother read it aloud slowly and immediately began to calm down.

“Thank goodness,”she said.“She’s all right. She’s with Mary Ann.”With the tension gone, we sat down to finish lunch and spend a peaceful afternoon at home.

That evening in the hospital, my mother told my father that Martha had gone to stay with Mary Ann for a few days but that she was still worried about her. My father said,“Don’t go looking for another Martha. We already have one, and that’s enough.”

The next day, Martha’s absence was still very much on my mother’s mind.“What can she be doing?”she wondered.“She’s never gone off like that without arranging it with me ahead of time. Besides, I want her to go to the hospital to see Daddy.”

I assured my mother that her daughter would come home soon.“Besides,”I said,“Martha is a clever little girl. She can take care of herself.”

“She needs a clean dress for church on Sunday,”my mother said.

“It’s only Thursday,”I replied.“Plenty of time.”

“Where did you learn to take over a kitchen like this?”my mother asked as I fixed dinner that night.“It’s nice of you to come and stay with me. Do you have a family?”Having been accepted as a companion, if not a daughter, I settled into an amicable routine with my mother.

Friday morning we went to the hairdresser, the chiropractor, and the grocery store. I overheard Lynne, the hairdresser, say to my mother,“It’s nice that your daughter could come to stay with you.”

“That’s not my daughter.”my mother confided,“she has the same name, but she’s not my daughter.”Lynne looked quickly at me to see if she had misunderstood one of us, and I gave her a rueful smile.

On the way home my mother said,“Lynne thought you were my daughter.”

“You don’t mind, do you?”I asked.

“No.”she said.

It wasn’t until my brother came on Saturday that I was recognized as part of the family.“Bob will take this bed, and you can sleep in your old room.”my mother said that night. It felt good to be legitimate again.

“You see,”my father said the next day,“Martha has been here all the time. There was no need to worry.”

“But there was a note!”my mother wailed.

“I wrote the note,”I explained.“I wrote it to calm you when you were so anxious,”and comprehension flickered for a moment in my mother’s gradually dimming eyes.

当我们坐在医院的走廊里等待父亲接受检查时，母亲说：“我一直为玛莎担心。我们把她留在院子里玩，也没有告诉她我们去哪里。真希望她不会正坐在什么地方哭泣呢。”

我擦干母亲脸颊上挂满的泪水，试图打消她的担心：“我就是玛莎，我就陪在您的身边啊。”

“不，你不是。”母亲回答说，“你不是我的小玛莎。”

在尽力去适应父亲突然致残的事实时，过去和现在一直都存在的被抛弃的恐惧笼罩着我们。

前天晚上我们接到电话，父亲摔了一跤，髋部受了伤，并且准备在第二天做更换髋关节的手术。那天晚上，一位朋友陪了母亲一夜。我向母亲许诺说：“我会坐早班飞机尽快过去。”

父母结婚有58年了。尽管母亲在过去的几个月里头脑越来越糊涂，但是在这之前从来没有发生过什么严重的紧急事情。在我上次回来看望父母的时候，母亲问我：“你母亲还健在吗？”那时，她的表情完全是对一位陌生青年女子所表现出的友善的兴趣。而现在，因为日常规律被打乱，父亲也不能一直陪在她的身边，母亲的糊涂状况变得更加严重。

“但是，我为玛莎担心。”当我们回到家，坐下来吃午饭的时候，母亲又一次说起，“我要出去找她。”“可是，我就是玛莎啊。”我试着说，“小玛莎长大了，长大成我了。”

“那简直是荒谬。”母亲说道。她用力拉开前门，走上街，紧张地站在那里。她的目光四处搜索着那个她确定早上还见到过的小女孩。可是，什么人也看不到。接着，她又来到房子的后面，穿过后面的空地来到另一条街上。“我要去问问那边的那些人，看看他们有没有见到我女儿。”母亲变得日益狂乱，几乎会闯入滚滚的车流，穿过繁杂的街道。

我恳求她说：“我们回家去吧，给教堂办公室打个电话，没准儿会有谁能帮上忙。”母亲在回家的路上对我说：“不跟我说一声就离开，这不大像是玛莎的作风。要么就是她留了字条给我。”

字条！找到缓解母亲情绪的方法了。我们一进到屋里，我就潦草地写了一张字条，并把它放在很容易看到的地方。字条上这样写道：“妈妈，我去玛丽·安那里住几天。不要为我担心，我一切都好。玛莎。”

“快看，这里有一张字条。上面都说了些什么？”我说。母亲慢慢地大声读着，很快就平静了下来。

她说：“谢天谢地，她一切都好。她和玛丽·安在一起呢。”母亲不安的情绪消除之后，我们坐下来吃完了午饭，并在家里度过了一个平和的下午。

傍晚在医院里的时候，母亲告诉父亲，玛莎去玛丽·安那里住几天，但她还是担心她。父亲说：“别再找一个玛莎了，我们有一个玛莎就足够了。”

第二天，玛莎不在身边的事还是让母亲很劳神。她猜测着：“她都做些什么事情呢？在没有和我一起事先作好安排之前，她是从来都不会离开的。另外，我希望她能去医院看看爸爸。”

我向母亲保证，说她的女儿很快就会回来。“而且，玛莎是个聪明的小女孩，她能够照顾好自己的。”我说。

“星期天，她需要穿一件干净的裙子去教堂。”母亲说。

“今天才是星期四，时间还多着呢。”我回答。

那晚，在我准备晚饭的时候，母亲问道：“你从哪里学会做饭的？你能来这里陪我真好。你有家了吗？”我被母亲接受为一个同伴，而不是女儿，我习惯了与母亲相处的友善方式。

星期五早上，我和母亲去理发、按摩，又去了杂货店。无意间，我听到理发师林恩对母亲说：“你女儿能过来陪你，多好啊。”

“她不是我女儿。”母亲低声说，“她的名字和我女儿的一样，但她不是我女儿。”林恩快速地看了我一眼，以便知道是否误解了我们当中谁的意思。而我，只能对她无奈地笑了笑。

在回家的路上，母亲对我说：“林恩还以为你是我女儿呢。”

“你不会介意的，是吗？”我问她。

“不会。”她说。

直到哥哥星期六回来，我才又重新被认做家里的一员。那天晚上，母亲说：“鲍勃睡在这张**，你可以在你的老房间里睡。”再次被接纳的感觉真好。

第二天，父亲说：“你看，玛莎一直都在这里。根本没必要担心的。”

“但是，这里有一张字条啊！”母亲悲痛地说道。

“那张字条是我写的，”我解释说，“我写它是为了让你在焦虑的时候平静下来。”我看到，有片刻理解的眼神从母亲慢慢昏花的眼中闪过。

心灵小语

不要让爱你的人受到一丝一毫的伤害，不要等到失去了，才懂得珍惜。

词汇笔记

emergency[i'm???si]n.紧急情况；不测事件

例 There are four emergency exits in the department store.这家百货公司有四个紧急出口。

ridiculous[ri'dikj??]adj.可笑的；荒谬的；愚蠢的

例 It is ridiculous to dispute about such things.

争论这样的事情是可笑的。

comprehension[,kɑmpri'h?n??]n.理解；理解力

例 The teacher set the class a comprehension test.

老师对全班同学进行了一次理解力测验。

dim[dim]adj.暗淡的；隐约的；愚笨的；不利的

例 He sat in a dim corner.

他坐在一个黑暗的角落里。

小试身手

不跟我说一声就离开，这不大像是玛莎的作风。

译________________________________________

我被母亲接受为一个同伴，而不是女儿，我习惯了与母亲相处的友善方式。

译________________________________________

直到哥哥星期六回来，我才又重新被认做家里的一员。

译________________________________________

短语家族

I wiped away tears that were streaming down my cheeks.

wipe away：擦掉；清除

造________________________________________

Where did you learn to take over a kitchen like this?

take over：接管；领……到另一地；在……上花费

造________________________________________